Day 23: Rejection and regret

But as if right now, I couldn't care less. The moment was so perfect I just wanted to enjoy ever second of it.

R: Yalla answer, are you gona keep the boy waiting walla shnu bilthb6?
Me: 3ziz..
R: Khalas she said yes..
A: She didn't, abe asma3ha minha..
Me: 3ziz madre shagoulick..

A: Modhi a7ibich

Me: I'm sorry I can't do this, Please don't make this harder for me.

He was shocked. I can see it in his eyes, His lips went dry, His smile turned into a frown. I hate seeing him like this but at the same time I think it's too early to go to the next step. After all having a boyfriend is a very big step to take, I need to know him well enough to completely trust him with my heart. I really don't want to repeat the same mistake. I've learnt from my mistake, It made me weak for a very long time and I'm sure as hell I don't want that to happen again.

We all stood there speechless, I had nothing to say because I rejected him. Rawna8 was shocked and he was just.. heart broken?

I felt bad.

Me: April fools?

He just walked away... what have I done? He's been trying his best to make me the happiest girl and I give him this? This is very hard for me, ou el sara7a som3ity aham. I might be selfish to him but I'm not if you think about it family wise, they've raised me to be the exact opposite of what I'm doing, the least I can do is be sure of who I'm with.

Am I contradicting myself? I've done this before and now I say family first? I'm confused, I need time to figure things out. I'm being over protective of my actions lately, I have serious trust issues. I'm not really sure if that's a good or bad thing.

R: Whoa Modh, that was just.... madre shagoulich
Me: I'm sorry I screwed up big time.
R: I'm not gona deny that.
Me: Mu ga3da etsa3deen Rawna8
R: Modh gouleeli el9ij et7ibeena?
Me: wayed wayed Rawna8, he's driving me crazy. I'm in love with him.
R: Okay then laish gilteela la2?
Me: Rawna8 walla I've been heart broken adre tawne agoulich ou I should have told you minziman bss walla I don't want to be hurt again. I also have trust issues.
R: 7elu 7elu ba3ad aku shey mu gailetli? Anyway listen he's my cousin, Mayit 3laich walla! Killom yt7al6am 3ala rasi 3an shkither y7ibich. Modhi if he hurts you I'll kill him ou b3dain ana a3arfa 3adel egouli killshey awal mara ib 7ayati egouli ena e7ib wa7da! Give him a chance, he'll make you happy I promise. 3ziz can be trusted.
Me: I already said no to him..
R: 3ade he'll understand.
Me: Okay shgoula al7een?
R: Ana akalma.

She called him..

*Ring*

I waited there nervously.

He hung up..

R: Sada ib wayhe..(?)

I started tearing, I messed up! I hate crying in public, but this time I just can't control myself I was in too much guilt, when I shouldn't have been.

R: Are you crying?

I said nothing just looked at her, my eyes were watering..

Me: Badig 3lai Rawna8
R: Okay yalla call

*Ring*

It's switched off...

R: Don't worry I'm sure his phone ran out of charge or something..

I stayed there, hoping it was true...

We met Sara, 6aiba and Nora right after 3ziz hung up..
All three knew something was going on, makint 3ala ba3thi! I was faking a smile, my friends we're enjoying the day I didn't want to ruin it for them.

Rawna8 bbmed me.
R: Smile 7yati entay, I promise everything's gona be ok

I smiled, Her bbm actually made me feel a lot better.

An hour later my phone rang, I didn't pay attention to it as the whole time at the carnival I was thinking of him, and only him.

Sara: Your phone's ringing...
I checked.

Me: madre mnu arid?
Taiba: Riday..
Nora: But don't say aloo, wait till they say aloo

Taiba, Sara and Rawna8 all were shocked why Nora was talking to me.

Me: Me and Nora are okay now, latkhizoun
Nora: Eee shfeekum mi7tareen, haha! Enzain yalla riday

I picked it and said nothing as Nora told me.

Person: Aloo?

It's a guy..

Me: Mnu?
Person: Ma3arafteeni?